the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize