Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
