Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
