im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
