Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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