Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you had me at cake vodka
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
