check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
