The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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