hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
