we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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