Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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