do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize