Banned from zoo.
Again?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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