My sheets look like a crime scene.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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