I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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