Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
