i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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