I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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