If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
