i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
