I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
no, he came in my armpit
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
