dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
