having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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