Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
