he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
