my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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