Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
