wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't notice because vodka
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
