I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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