my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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