a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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