So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
