I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
