Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
