She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
