I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
