i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
