when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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