I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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