we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
