I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
