i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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