ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
