do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
