So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
