She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
