I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
