i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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