He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
