You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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