8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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