my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
