I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
