just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
