Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
