i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
