she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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