ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i think im in europe. pls send help
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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